How to help your child with homework without doing it for them

The most useful homework help is the smallest amount that gets your child moving again. Set up the time and place, let them try first, then step in with a question before a hint, a hint before an example, and an example before ever doing a problem yourself. Below is that “support ladder” in detail, the exact words to use when they ask for the answer, and how much help suits each age.

Why doing it for them backfires

Homework exists so children practise something they can’t yet do easily. When a parent supplies the answer, the worksheet gets finished but the practice doesn’t happen — and the teacher sees work that hides the gap. Children also learn a lesson parents don’t intend: when it gets hard, someone else will step in.

That doesn’t mean leaving them to struggle alone. Research summaries for parents tend to agree that support helps most when it’s about structure, encouragement and prompting thinking, rather than direct instruction or taking over (see The Conversation’s overview). Your job is to keep them thinking.

How much should parents help with homework?

A useful rule of thumb: help with the process, not the product. Help them get organised, understand the instructions and find a way in. Leave the answers, sentences and decisions to them.

The support ladder: help in the smallest steps

When your child is stuck, climb one rung at a time. Only move up if the rung below didn’t work.

1. Read it back. “Read the question to me.” A surprising number of “I don’t get it” moments are solved by reading slowly, out loud.
2. Ask what it wants. “What is the question asking you to find?” or “What would a finished answer look like?”
3. Ask what they know. “What do you already know that might help?” “Have you seen one like this in class?”
4. Point to a resource. “Where in your notes or textbook might that be?” Children often have the worked example sitting in their exercise book.
5. Give a small hint. A reminder of a rule, or a suggestion of where to start — not what to do next.
6. Model a different example. Work through a similar problem with different numbers while they watch, thinking aloud. Then they try theirs.
7. Do one together, then step back. Share one problem, with them doing as much as possible. Then they do the next one alone.

If you reach the top of the ladder and they still can’t do it, stop. That’s information for the teacher, not a sign you should finish it.

What to say when they ask for the answer

Children ask for answers when they’re tired, frustrated or unsure where to start. These lines keep you helpful without taking over:

• “I’m not going to tell you, but I’ll help you find it. What’s the first thing you’d try?”
• “Show me where you got to. Let’s find the exact spot it went wrong.”
• “What would you tell a friend who was stuck on this?”
• “Let’s do a similar one together, then you try yours.”
• “It’s OK not to know yet. That’s what homework is for.”
• “Try it your way. If it’s wrong, we’ll learn something from that too.”

For a longer list sorted by situation, see our guide to what to say when your child is stuck.

Set up the conditions, then step back

A lot of homework trouble is about the setting, not the subject:

• Same time, same place. A predictable routine reduces arguments about when.
• Phones elsewhere. Including yours, if you’re sitting with them.
• Materials ready. Pencils, ruler, calculator, the right exercise book.
• Plan first. Two minutes listing what’s due and what to do first saves twenty later.
• Short blocks. Focused 15–25 minute chunks with breaks work better than one long sit.
• Check in, don’t hover. “Do the first three; I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

A worked example: a stuck fractions question

Your ten-year-old is stuck on “Which is bigger, 3/5 or 2/3?” Climbing the ladder:

• Read it back: they read it; still stuck.
• What does it want? “To know which fraction is more.”
• What do you know? “Fractions are parts of a whole… I don’t know how to compare these.”
• Resource: “Did you do comparing fractions in class? Check your book.” They find a page about making denominators the same.
• Hint: “What number could both 5 and 3 go into?”
• They find 15, convert both fractions, and compare — on their own.

Five minutes, no answer given, and they practised exactly the skill the worksheet was for. If fractions are the sticking point, our guide to explaining fractions goes further.

When you don’t know how to do it either

This is extremely common, especially with maths methods that have changed. Options, in order:

1. Ask your child to teach you what they did in class. Explaining is excellent practice for them.
2. Check the class notes, textbook or school website for a worked example.
3. Get a quick private briefing for yourself — our ChatGPT prompts for parents are built for this.
4. Write a short note to the teacher.

There’s more on this in When you don’t understand your child’s maths homework.

The support ladder is exactly how the tutoring prompts in the AI Tutor Vault are written: one question, then the smallest hint, then a step — never the answer. See the AI Tutor Vault.

Common mistakes

• Correcting every error as it happens. Let them finish, then ask them to check. Finding their own mistakes is a skill.
• Teaching a different method. Your way may be right, but if it’s not the class method it can cause confusion.
• Making it perfect. Teachers need to see what your child can do. A few wrong answers are useful feedback.
• Letting it run on. If homework regularly takes far longer than the school expects, tell the teacher.
• Showing your own anxiety. “I was terrible at maths” can quietly give permission to give up. Try “This is tricky; let’s figure it out.”

When to step back further, and when to step in

Step back when they understand the task and are just working slowly. Slow is fine.

Step in when they don’t understand the instructions at all, when frustration is tipping into distress, or when the same problem keeps appearing. And involve the school when your child regularly can’t do the homework even with support — they may have missed a building block. If homework has become a nightly fight, see our guide to when a child refuses to do homework.

Frequently asked questions

Next steps

Next time your child says “I don’t get it”, try climbing the ladder from the bottom rung, and notice how often the first two questions are enough. Keep the list of phrases handy, and if your evenings regularly end in tears, read our guide to homework refusal.